Moments of Permanence

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I feel like I can explain every binary gender thing in a way that certain prejudices May. 28th, 2017 @ 09:45 am
It goes like this:

One of the native truths about Being A Woman is that a woman's body is, at times, a thing of hateful betrayal.

It just is.

For most of us, that betrayal is made manifest at or after puberty.

For some women, that betrayal is made manifest in utero with the production of unnecessary dicks, but it still basically fits the pattern.

Meanwhile, trans men are caught in a different form of the same trap, in that the default configuration of the human body is female. If the surge of testosterone to trigger the alternate development comes after the hateful betrayal happens, then the gentleman in question doesn't get the alternate configuration.

Too bad, so sad, should've been born... not a mammal? Possibly vertebrate? I'm not sure how widespread the default-development-configuration-is-female thing.


Transgender people are a result of the female body's natural tendency to hateful betrayal.

All women should understand this and accept trans women as our sisters in suffering.

All men should understand this and be terrified to question it, because smart men do not question the issue of women's bodies and their treachery.

And accept trans men as their brothers in suffering, because most men have been Brung Low by a woman at some point.

and now I need to stop typing, because I accidentally overstrained my wrist a couple of days ago.

Hmm May. 25th, 2017 @ 01:35 pm
I may have missed some posts in the last few days. DW had logged me out and I didn't notice because my wrist has been playing up and I have very limited typing ability so I wasn't trying to post or comment on anything...

I hadn't known this was a thing for me May. 11th, 2017 @ 09:23 pm
So, a discussion recently about race-stuff attached to Stargate: Atlantis made me realise something.

See, there's a thing, where certain people - usually awful people - claim they "don't see colour".

Because apparently they are stupid, and believe that it shows how totally not racist they are if they claim that they lack the ability to distinguish wavelengths of light. Or that they don't look at anyone who isn't in a mirror, and therefore do not in fact notice what other people look like. Or something.

I, being possessed of reasonably functional eyes, do see colour.

However, what I don't have is visual memory. I do not have the ability to visualise things in my head, to call forth images in my mind. (The name this is acquiring is aphantasia, because it's apparently quite new that we all found out It's Not Just Us.)

Consequently, I discovered, for background extras who don't get lines, who I don't look at enough to note things about their appearance?

I don't remember colour.

I have this vague sense that I think the Athosians are sort of generally mixed in terms of racial makeup, but all I can actually remember about them is that they exist.

This is a weird feeling. The set of impressions I mentally catalogue about a person usually includes things like that. I'm terrible at remembering faces, because I can't call the image of someone to my mind. Skin tone is one of the few distinctive features about a person I can readily catalogue. (Skin tone, hair colour, hair style, build - these are the things I can tell you about someone I've met a few times. I can't draw a portrait without a picture or model, though, no matter how well I know someone. I can tell it looks wrong, but I can't tell what would be right.)

In which, not for the first time, the true problem is academia-speak and prissiness May. 8th, 2017 @ 12:32 pm
Cut because I use a word that starts with P and ends with S several times. )

Birds, man. Birds.

May. 6th, 2017 @ 08:21 am
It can be quite distressing how much of the lives and everything of people you can miss when you spend a year with a high fever.

May. 2nd, 2017 @ 08:53 pm
dr for scan results tmrw

so my posts-think-backlog is growing Apr. 24th, 2017 @ 06:37 pm
My wrist is still borked. Typing is painful and probably a bad idea (and really annoying one-handed.)

Ultrasound and bone scan this week.

On the new Monkey [Magic] Apr. 21st, 2017 @ 04:19 pm
Have now seen a picture of the cast of the new version of Monkey/Journey to the West.


1) Pigsy looks good. Looks "right" for a Pigsy character while still being definitely and clearly different.

2) Tripitaka could go either way, depending on performance. Am vaguely disapproving of visible hair, somehow.

3) Presumably-Sandy looks... well, we'll see, I'm very much withholding judgement.


4a) He looks too smouldering.

4b) He looks too tall.

4c) He doesn't look like a monkey.

The original Monkey looked very monkey-like, and frankly, a lot of that was in the hair and makeup and I am very disapproving that new Monkey looks more like Antonio Banderas than a monkey. He also looks all smouldering and serious, and the nature of Monkey was irrepressible!


how to know you are a jerk Apr. 19th, 2017 @ 11:44 am
Gentleman just stopped by our door with a petition about stronger reinforcement of the parking regulations in our area.

(We live in an inner suburb with lots of shops, cafes, restaurants, bars, and a stadium, and parking, unsurprisingly, sucks, because parking here would pretty much suck no matter how much parking there was.)

Apparently on his street it's fairly common that people even park across his driveway.

Seriously, people parking where they shouldn't is already pretty annoying around here, but that's just not okay anywhere ever.

We've once or twice had someone *half*-block ours, which was also super-annoying, but iirc we could sort of get around them because our driveway and next door's driveway form a sort of double-driveway that let us get around - narrowly - as the people next door were, at that precise time, out.

When my family lived a couple of doors down from the guy who won the Christmas lights competition (which creates massive, massive traffic snarls in the vicinity at Christmas-time and is also rather annoying) we once had someone park across our driveway, but at least we could go find the thoughtless individual who'd done it in the crowd and ask them oh-so-politely to move.

I am reminded that people change Apr. 17th, 2017 @ 12:04 pm
Just glanced at my bio on this very site. Observations:

1) it still said I was in my late twenties, which hasn't been true for a while

2) it kind of generally doesn't read like something I would write now, even if I don't find any of it offensively disagreeable or anything.

I was just looking over the news intro thing. My brain kind of fell in a hole the last couple of years so I'm really behind and out of touch with everything and everyone, and the discussion of seed accounts and why they try not to sell more of them etc made me realise that not only do I make rather light use of the paid features I get with my seed account, I no longer have any real idea of what they are.

I'm pretty sure I have more icons than a free account?

Also, I've been using DW - with some substantial gaps that one day I will probably regret - for almost eight years.

and now I demand those points Apr. 16th, 2017 @ 01:28 pm
I think a wound, even a little scratch on your finger (that still bled a lot) deserves bonus points if it was inflicted by a baby herbivore.

In very much related news, am back from going down south for the weekend. I did a number of interesting things, but the one that left a mark was helping feed a calf who is bucket-fed but very much wishes she wasn't. In her earnest yearning to suck on my fingers in the apparent conviction that they would be more satisfying than the bucket of milk I was holding for her, she managed to make a divot in my left ring finger with her baby herbivore grindy teeth.

Also, we went to see puppies. There is a labrador who, very very recently, had puppies.

Ten puppies.

They are tiny and snuffly and their eyes haven't opened yet and they make little squeaky squealy noises and one of them kept trying to wriggle elsewhere in the pile and getting it wrong and flipping over a sibling and rolling several inches away and having to try and snuffle his way back to the pile.

They are, unsurprisingly, aggressively cute.

so tiny so snuffly and squeaky and just a pile of so many puppies

an idle note Apr. 9th, 2017 @ 10:38 am
You know, I can accept the notion that it is pretty much guaranteed that there will be further terrorist attacks in the future.

I would really, really like to reverse the trend of this century so far and have the world at large consider maybe, just for a change, not letting the terrorists win.

The objective of terrorism is, as the name suggests, to provoke terror. The objective is to cause people to freak out and panic and lose their shit in exactly the way that people keep doing, and seriously, World, could we not?

I'm looking at the media, here, especially.

As far as I'm concerned these should be the rules:

- If some idiot drives a truck into a crowd, he should not be called a terrorist, he should be called a bad driver, or a truck thief, or, you know, an idiot.

- If ISIS claim credit for something, they should be ignored. They want attention. Stop giving it to them. A couple of weeks ago I fell over and hit my head and sprained my wrist, and if I was globally important and they could find a pretext, ISIS would totally claim credit for that.

- For that matter? If there's a terrorist attack, and some idiots claim they were totally behind that, stop reporting that as "claiming credit". Report that they "acknowledged blame".

This keeps happening because it keeps working. Any time there's anything remotely resembling a terrorist attack, the reaction needs to follow these steps:

1) assess what the terrorists wanted out of this

2) make sure they don't get it

They want people to freak out? Don't. They want to ramp up ethno-religious tensions? Make a point of stepping up friendly inclusion. They want to be talked about? Don't use their names, dismiss any organisations wanting to be associated with it out of hand.

So some idiot killed four people in Sweden with a truck? Well, that's bad drivers for you. Apply necessary criminal penalties to his actions and don't give him any more reaction than that. Some creeps with a pretentious name somewhere want to say they were totally behind that? Them and, like, six others. Hush now, grownups are talking.

Because, seriously, this doesn't stop if it always works.

I'm ready to run a country now Mar. 31st, 2017 @ 06:11 pm
nobody knew having a concussion and a sprained wrist would be this annoying

(am mostly fine)

Mar. 24th, 2017 @ 09:26 pm
Is there any greater demonstration of love for your friend than agreeing to play an aggressively terrible movie in the living room because she's not feeling well?

It can happen! Mar. 24th, 2017 @ 05:20 pm
I had an interesting discussion today. I was talking to a person who loves and respects me, and the subject of the Federal Government wanting to make changes to section 18C of the Racial Discrimination Act came up.

And this person was of the view that it totally needed changing, and among the examples of ridiculous things they brought up was an incident where many people were offended by a political cartoon that depicted indigenous Australian fathers as absent/uncaring/terrible.

A discussion ensued. I argued that that was offensive; I reviewed the notion of punching down and its applicability to satire, and pointed out that while there are real problems with child neglect in some parts of the indigenous community, a) they know that and don't need some white guy to tell them, b) reinforcing negative stereotypes to the broader white community isn't helping, and c) most importantly, it's inappropriate for a white Australian cartoonist to treat that subject cavalierly, considering the incredible damage done to indigenous families by having two to three generations of stolen children rupturing the bonds of family and community, even apart from the effects of all the other racist structural damage of the last two hundred years.

The conversation concluded with: "... Okay. Yes. Good point."

I was... surprised.

Things Mar. 23rd, 2017 @ 06:36 pm
I have a new bed! And new pillows! My bedroom smells quite strongly of latex! (Because the mattress is latex and new and the pillows are latex and/or memory foam and also new.) And slightly of wood and varnish.

Have cautious hopes of, like, sleep and stuff, now.

My bed had, since I ordered the new one, gone critical and pretty much collapsed (also damaging the wall, it turns out) and for a few weeks I was sleeping on the mattress on the slats on the floor.

But now I have a bed. Having watched the delivery guy assemble it, I'm rather pleased with the design. The thing that meant the collapse of my old bed was that the welds gave way. My new bed isn't made of metal at all, and instead, the load strain goes directly down into solid jarrah about five inches thick.

Jan. 6th, 2017 @ 06:22 pm
Apparently, I've been so terrible about logging in to DW that I've forgotten my password. I'm writing this update in a wordpad window because my IP is temporarily blocked.

I apologise to anyone who has been concerned about my silence. It's been a stressful, um, couple of years, so I keep being too overwhelmed by everything to keep up with my reading list, and then I feel guilty and don't update, and...

... if nothing else, I have nothing to remind me of what's actually been happening. I traditionally also use DW as a diary, after all.

The last couple of years have sucked, though. "Was sick." Who wants to remember?

I'm finally a bit less sick, though. And I even had a good Christmas for once - I went down to the farm with [personal profile] velithya and [personal profile] myfyr. [personal profile] myfyr's brother taught me to drive a tractor and use the hydraulic forks to shift a hay bale. That was pretty cool.

Yesterday I was doing research to buy a new bed, because my bed is currently held up by stacks of books and the fact that another, smaller bed is stored under it, and is still bordering on outright collapse.

It is amazing how many businesses still, to this day, have terrible terrible websites. Having a bad website can lose you business! If I try to look at your website and it is sufficiently terrible I kind of assume you're incompetent. Alternatively, if your website promises me you have a "huge range" and I click on it and then it tells me that my product search returned zero examples, that is also unhelpful enough that I will look elsewhere.

(Seriously. "Check out our huge range of beds!" I click the Beds link. Zero results. That is not a huge range.)

In the end, I ordered one yesterday from a Perth company that manufactures their own beds in jarrah with a nice, pleasingly minimalist aesthetic. Their prices are surprisingly reasonable for such things and they seemed very nice. (Brett's Beds and Futons in Malaga, if anyone cares.)

Today I found a cat Oct. 30th, 2016 @ 06:33 pm
I am regretting not having taken photos of him when he was basking in the sun, he had beautiful, beautiful fur - black around the head and legs, with a deep, dark chocolate around the body.

I was walking down the street, then turned around to walk back the other way, because I wasn't going anywhere, I'm just trying to be less sick. Suddenly there was a cat walking down the middle of the footpath I'd just walked along a few seconds earlier.

He walked straight up to me, gave the longest, most plaintive mewl I have ever heard, and leaned against my leg.

I stroked him, and could feel every bone beneath his matted, dirty fur - this cat was three-quarters starved and clearly faltering, because a cat that isn't keeping itself clean is generally a cat near to giving up on life.

He had a collar, but it was very loose on him.

To skip many details: our lease does not permit pets, at all, so tonight he is spending the night with my parents. He's had food, and last I heard was sitting in my father's lap. (Dad will probably wash him and clip the mats from his fur later.)

He was chipped in 2002, but the website the vet's office checked had no details on him, and another was having issues loading; my parents have been given the chip number and some places to try tomorrow to see if he has a findable family.

If so, they've probably been missing him terribly; he's very sweet, friendly and affectionate, and before his recent suffering I suspect was well cared-for.

by the way I still exist Jul. 11th, 2016 @ 10:10 pm
My thermometer keeps having beepy panic attacks at me. My temperature has been averaging about 38.5-ish for weeks, you'd think it would be used to it by now.

Today we discovered that there's a Vietnamese restaurant one street away that sells gluten-free broth. Jen left her own dinner getting cold to go and fetch me some; apparently, she's not entirely thrilled with my current diet of "tinned apple, vanilla ice cream, lemon mineral water, and occasionally cheese and crackers". So tonight, I had some chicken broth, and tomorrow, we're thinking I might have beef broth with rice noodles! Such excitement.

Generally speaking I don't eat Vietnamese food, as it's usually either too spicy for me, or made with coconut, to which I am horribly allergic, but broth I can do.

Tomorrow afternoon I'm also seeing a new doctor. Personally, I've given up on ever not being sick again, but my housemates are convinced that, no, really, we can totally find a GP who actually considers it to be a problem that I've been sick for over six months and I'm constantly running a moderately high fever and stuff (and more recently have started to lose the ability to eat most categories of food without nausea).

still not dead Feb. 29th, 2016 @ 12:40 pm
... Have nonetheless been sick since, what, October? Something like that?

Currently it seems like it may be to do with a medication change, which I'm walking back, but the net result is that I'm still occasionally feverish, and now almost constantly severely afflicted with vertigo.

And my brain still isn't working very well, in general, although I'm feeling moderately less stupid than I was.

I realise that there are many people in the world less intelligent than I am and that doesn't reflect badly on their character or anything, but it's a special level of frustration and cognitive dissonance and alienation from your sense of self plus, for me, flashback to severe childhood head trauma, when you can feel your own inability to think, when you look at your own writing and can't understand it, when you look at puzzles you know you used to be able to solve and you just can't... Just this once, can I say "stupid" like it's a bad thing and not be accused of elitism? Because I don't have other words for it, when my thoughts are slow, but worse, when I feel like there should be ways to connect ideas that I just can't see, when any thought process more complex than looking at the NBA results shatters without warning and is then just gone.

My body is a wreck wright now. My mind is all I have and it's not working either and it's awful. This post would be a mess of bad spelling and typos if I didn't have the as-you-go red squiggle spell checker. I don't entirely even feel like me.
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