| Model SAM1 "Sonnlich" Operating Manual |
 Model SAM1 "Sonnlich" Operating Manual
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May. 12th, 2007 @ 03:09 pm 
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SAM1 "Sonnlich" is sold "as is", without warranty express or implicit. The manufacturers take no responsibility for negative consequences arising from use or misuse of SAM1 "Sonnlich".
Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. Avoid extremes of temperature. Store your SAM1 "Sonnlich" in a cool, dark place (preferably with Internet access).
Used with care, your SAM1 "Sonnlich" will offer you a lifetime of semi-reliable service. Adhere to the maintenance schedule. Wash with soap and water. Use only recommended fuels; use of incorrect fuels will cause impairment of service standards.
SAM1 "Sonnlich" is preset with voice-activation. Full functionality in English, reduced functionality in other languages. SAM1 "Sonnlich" has no keyboard or command-line interface.
Troubleshooting:
1) My SAM1 "Sonnlich" seems to be broken, on about the top right corner. How do I fix this?
We wish we knew.
2) My SAM1 "Sonnlich" pushes me away automatically when I try to touch it. What's going on?
We acknowledge that the SAM1 "Sonnlich" is both plush and huggable-looking. However, it is an acknowledged system flaw that the majority of SAM1 "Sonnlich" models were released from the factory with inoperative trust circuits, and will automatically seek personal space when under duress or damaged. This flaw can be corrected after extensive exposure given the right bonding conditions, but results are not guaranteed.
3) My SAM1 "Sonnlich" overreacts under certain conditions. Under particular stimuli, such as exposure to historical inaccuracy or certain socio-political or religious viewpoints, I've heard it can explode. How can I correct this problem?
We wish we knew that one, too. Industry-accepted practice is to avoid such stimuli except in conditions where explosion is the desired result.
4) My SAM1 "Sonnlich" continues to avoid my touching it, but it seems to seek out contact with other people and appliances. I'm chucking a huge damn sad about it and sulking. What do you recommend?
That you get over it, for real. We suspect you have undertaken a series of actions which have caused your SAM1 "Sonnlich" to be uncomfortable with extensive contact with you. You should have thought of that before you were such a jerk those times. Stop whining and stop pushing its boundaries and it might forgive you.
5) My SAM1 "Sonnlich" keeps falling over. How do I fix the stability problem?
Increase water levels; add Stemetil if problem is severe. Try not to stand it on end while stabiliser problems persist.
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THE HAND OF GO-
♥♥
If necessary, call the DE4N "Velithya" maintenance crew. ;P
YOU HATE ME DON'T Y-
Absolutely. <3
That is an awesome reference manual. Maybe I should get one of those, especially (2) :)
Mummy, mummy, mummy, I want one for Christmas!
Call in the next fifteen minutes and we'll give you not one but TWO fantabulous SAM1 "Sonnlich"'s for the price of one!
But wait, there's more! If you pay by credit card we'll throw in a free set of steak knives painkillers!
There's no obligation to complete the set, cancel any time!
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