Moments of Permanence - On differences in oppression, derailment, and the hierarchies of hurt

From: tevriel.livejournal.com Date: April 6th, 2009 04:04 am (UTC) (Link)

I think it's worth noting that, as I would interpret, being overall well-inclined towards Tom due to aforementioned longstanding affection and respect, his noting that he was ready to say something nasty but stepped back and realised he shouldn't does not read as "I'm having nasty thoughts towards you"; it's an acknowledgement that his automatic response was to be nasty, but he realised that that would be wrong; that he disagrees with things you've said and feels insulted, but doesn't want to get into an argument in my journal, because he doesn't want it to be distressing to me, this being, for all its public venue, "my" metaphorical space, and because it would be a major sidetrack. And a bit pointless, since you each have very little data about the other, and the discussion so far has put you both at a disadvantage regarding making comprehensively accurate judgements about one another's character.

I don't wish to say your reading of his words is inherently wrong; merely, again, saying that I am sure his intent is not to be hurtful or malicious in this. However, intent does not control effect; it just affects how I, as his friend, perceive his actions.

And even in general, I prefer to look for the best in people, and to try to assume people don't intend to be horrible. Ill-considered words cause pain, but there's still room for discussion from there.

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