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So, I accidentally lost my previous draft of this, but:
So far it's a little hard to tell how well my new meds are working. I was getting a bit distracted from the article I was reading, but the article was somewhat tedious and annoying. It's probably worth noting that the time it took me to lose focus could be measured best in paragraphs/minutes, not words/seconds, and I was able to refocus my attention on what I'm doing fairly easily, without that internal-static sense of impossibility about it. I can do it. My difficulty with the article can quite possibly be ascribed to the part where it was tedious and annoying.
(Any article where I expostulate things like: "So you're arguing that because you're stupid, everyone is?" and "... You sexist bastard." is going to be be a little problematic. But seirously, he argued that a certain change was irrelevant because it barely affected men, and the population-wide percentage change was explained by it affectiong 40% of women.)
Pleasingly, I seem to have made a friend. D. is the woman with the toddler in my Linguistics class from last week. We chatted before class today and now we're sitting together for this lecture. When I turned on my laptop she admired the beauty of Mizushima Hiro on my desktop background. This is clearly a sign that we are meant to get on.
No, really so far I still get distractions tugging at my attention all the time, but it's something I can resist. It's a real improvement, even if it's not perfect yet.
( Linguistics, Thursday. )
Lecture ended, I made my way to the library - where, it turns out, SNAP is down so I have no internet. On the bright side, I suppose, I can get the work done I need to do today. On the down side, I have no internet, which means no googling things quickly that I either don't know or want to refresh my memory about, no e-mail, no WoW on study breaks, and this post threatens to become monster.
Interestingly, my anxiety problems seem to be a side-effect of ADHD. A little while ago I had a problem with my computer - no matter which way I flicked the switch that turns WLAN capabilty on and off, it kept reading as off. I couldn't work out how to fix it, and if my computer had somehow broken, that would be really quite a problem.
And I... didn't panic. Didn't even come close. I tried to fix it, failed, considered calling Chas, noted that he'd still be asleep and I didn't want to wake him for something that would be difficult to sort out by phone, and instead took my laptop over to SISO, where ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif) reaps fixed it in about ten seconds and explained to me what had gone wrong. (This was also where I was informed that SNAP isn't working, so I came back prepared not to be concerned that that wasn't going to work.)
Too easy, as they say. Taking dexamphetamines has made me feel really... calm.
We'll see how I go with rising levels of complexity in my reading for the day, and the ongoing question of concentration. I just thought of writing, as something I've been having trouble focussing on of late, but I realised immediately that I won't be able to focus on that at all, because I will have this relentless feeling of pressure that what I should be doing is my History work - which, coupled with the fact that what I want to do is my History work, means the only thing I'm likely to be able to do successfully is certain. (But will be left as an exercise for the astute reader.)
Also notable: Today is quite a good day for pain levels so far, although as my days have some variation it's too soon to ascribe it to the possibility that ADHD exacerbates chronic pain, even if the possibility seems real based on the physiological basis of ADHD essentially being over-exposed nerves.
I'm having trouble concentrating on this article still. I'm due to take more pills in twenty minutes, but also, this article still sucks. It is tedious, the arguments are rubbish, and the guy is way too impressed with himself, so possibly my minimal retention is based on the fact that I am, as I go, categorising a lot of what he says is rubbish. I can call to mind the salient (for want of a better word) points he's trying to make, which is an improvement, though, so yay for that.
By the way, I recommend the soundtrack to Charlotte's Web (which I bought on CD a while ago for reasons that elude me, since I haven't seen the movie) as background music to listen to while reading annoying things. Very soothing. (I wanted something more pleasant to listen to than people shuffling around with bags at the desks around me. Light music + canalphones is win.)
Hmm. On a better-written article - after taking my second dose of meds, but immediately after, so relevance is questionable - I read the whole thing on one go, only getting vaguely distracted a couple of times, and I was able to refocus quickly and easily.
Is this what it's like for normal people?!
Anyway, now going to take a break between articles to relax for a few with a game, because I have 50 more pages of course reader as target for today, plus another chapter of The Nature of History to get through before I want to go to the Scholars' Centre and get some more research done.
This may take me less time than it would have yesterday, but I also don't want to end the day with my shoulders locked up and serious eyestrain, so.
Yay, SNAP is back!Current Location: Reid Library Current Mood:  productive Current Music: Cold Fairyland - Shrove Tuesday
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Original rules: Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.
And if you do comment, I probably will do it!
velithya gave me these... eventually.
history
I am a history major. I also love it. I spent all today in the library working on history things, spent a couple of hours peering at microform copies of ancient newspapers. For me, there's a thrill in it, and a fascination that's certainly not reduced by seeing the parallels and cycles of history, amid the grander interplay of forces that drive and shape the form of it. There's nothing like seeing a comment written in the 18th century that could be perfectly applied to the current financial storm. There is nothing new in the world, and that? Is exciting.
judo
At this point, I honestly can't remember what started the decision process that lead to me taking up judo when I was 9. I wanted to do martial arts, I know, but I wasn't allowed to do karate because it was too violent; instead, we went to a nearby judo club, and I fell in love. I still love it. I still want to go back to it. There's an art in it, and a physical poetry in the movements, in the form of fighting that is explicitly gentle, and, I freely confess, a pleasure in pitting your body against someone else's and an exultation in winning.
writing
I've been writing for as long as I can remember. The first stories, which I'm vaguely sad I lost, were self-insertion fantasies in the Pern universe... when I was about seven, written on my family's then-fabulous 8086 computer, which had a big, clunky red power switch on the side, a 20MB hard drive that seemed huge, and 5 1/4" disks of games you had to boot into to load. I had my own drive on the computer. I was G:\ and I had a whole megabyte all to myself.
My output has fluctuated over the years, but my quality has, I think, increased. My latest completed work was co-written, which was brilliant, because my co-author's strengths fit my weaknesses perfectly - and vice-versa. I think we produced an awesome, awesome work.
hair
... I haven't had it cut in about three years, it's getting long, and she sometimes brushes and braids it for me. She has some associations with my hair. I have a lot of hair. It is thick and curly and dark brown. I don't know what else to say about my hair.
pineapple
So, my semi-obsession with pineapple? (Which I haven't been eating nearly enough of, lately.) TOTALLY HER FAULT. When I switched to eating gluten-free, all the delicious things I was used to eating with velithya tended to have pineapple in them, because we'd made Hawaiian Vel-Style Nachos and all, and I just discovered that many, many things are more delicious with pineapple. And it's good for you, shut up. PINEAPPLE IS JUST REALLY TASTY.Current Mood:  cheerful Current Location: Destiny; kitchen table
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From 1740, or thereabouts, a letter to the Guardian:
Most Venerable NESTOR,
I Am now three and twenty, and in the utmost Perplexity how to behave my self towards a Gentleman, whom my Father has admitted to visit me, as a Lover. I plainly perceive my Father designs to take Advantage of his Passion towards me, and require Terms of him which will make him fly off. I have Orders to be cold to him in all my Behaviour ; but if you insert this Letter in the Guardian, he will know that Distance is constrained. I love him better than Life, am satisfied with the Offer he has made, and desire him to stick to it, that he may not hereafter think he has purchased me too dear. My Mother knows I love him, so that my Father must comply.
Your thankful Ward,
Susanna ______
P.S. I give my Service to him, and desire the Settlement may be such, as shows I have my Thoughts fixed upon my Happiness in being his Wife, rather than his Widow.
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