 Everything is circles and most of them are vicious
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Dec. 16th, 2018 @ 02:51 pm 
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So it's a known thing that depression is isolating.
Here's an under-observed (in my experience) part of why:
Many of the systems that, at present, exist for people to connect are, for the depressed, actively damaging and alienating.
Much of how people connect now is social media. Even a housebound shut-in can access that.
But social media is acutely toxic poison if you're coming at it from a certain place.
Which is to say:
Imagine (and I do hope this is something you have to imagine) that you have been depressed, and ill and/or injured. For a while. All you've done for quite some time is survive, and that's not nothing, but if you go to social media, you come across the following:
Everyone's life is better than yours.
Facebook is the worst for this, because everyone seems to post the best possible version of themselves on Facebook, and if the best possible version of you is still kind of a mess... what do you do? Facebook is a parade of people showing off how great they are and how great their lives are. You can't compare. You're pathetic. You have nothing to tell people that you're proud of.
You have nothing to say.
Everything you could say seems like you might come across as whining, or attention-seeking, and you have nothing interesting and novel to say about anything. You haven't done anything. You have no experiences to relate in any way.
Everyone is like a stranger now.
While you were sick, you didn't keep up. Even if you read what people were posting it, you don't remember it, because you were feverish or drugged and it's a blur at best. You've fallen behind. You don't know who the people they're casually mentioning are, you don't know what's going on, and you don't want to ask people, "Hey, catch me up on the last two years of your life?"
But the problem keeps getting worse because you can't make yourself keep reading, keep up, because it hurts even to try.
Everything about how people try to connect is alienating.
Friending memes feature people listing the things they're interested in and the things they do and the things they want to talk about, and you look at it and back away, wondering if you should just give up on everything, because you don't remember what you're interested in, all you do is try to make it through the week, or the day, or the hour, and you don't know what you want to talk about, you just want to talk to someone at all.
Popular culture is alienating too.
Everything is grimdark, everything you think you'll love goes full tilt to clear the nearest shark with room to spare, and you can't take it any more. You can't get emotionally invested in yet another TV series or book series that's all going to go to shit, so you take to avoiding them all until they're finished, until you can know whether it's worth it or whether it's going to betray you, and by then... no-one cares any more.
Crawl back into your box. This isn't for you any more.
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| From: | ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png) copracat |
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December 16th, 2018 12:56 pm (UTC) |
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Hey, I'm just checking in. It's late here and I am going to bed. Apparently sleep is good for you, so I'm going to try that. But anyway, please don't crawl into a box. Or if you do, please stick your head out once in a while.
![[User Picture Icon]](https://v2.dreamwidth.org/3974986/75896) |
| From: | sami |
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December 17th, 2018 04:59 am (UTC) |
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Thank you. ♥
I'm trying, a bit. This was one, and it means a lot to have people respond, so I truly appreciate that you did. I kind of didn't expect it, this was approaching more of a journal-as-journal thing.
![[User Picture Icon]](https://v2.dreamwidth.org/411058/56053) |
| From: | sqbr |
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December 16th, 2018 03:04 pm (UTC) |
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Sorry you've been dealing with all that, I can relate to some of it very much. You're always welcome to ask questions if stuff I say is confusing, I have trouble keeping track of the details of people's lives myself. And it's fine if you just respond to the little bit of a post you can follow/have something to say about, or otherwise aren't a Perfect Expert At The Contents of My Blog. Which I'm even not, sometimes I scroll back and go "Wait, I posted about that? I DON'T REMEMBER WRITING THIS POST??" etc. Anyway you inspired me to write a life update post, not that much has actually happened in the last 2 years for me >.> https://alias-sqbr.dreamwidth.org/698224.html*knocks gently on the lid of your box and offers virtual cake* (Apologies to curious passers by for it being locked)
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| From: | sami |
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December 17th, 2018 05:01 am (UTC) |
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Curiously, you're the one I feel least like I've lost track of, because even when I'm not mustering the energy to read stuff, if there's something important, Chas mentions it (if it's public or if he's checked I'm already on the filter it was posted under). I will read the update appreciatively, though, because "have a vague sense that I still know who you are" is not the same.
![[User Picture Icon]](https://v2.dreamwidth.org/70443/56053) |
| From: | sqbr |
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December 17th, 2018 08:47 am (UTC) |
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Ah, cool! Well, I hope the post is helpful, and you can pass on to Chas the
very important news that I am currently installing Planescape Torment so
may actually play it :D
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| From: | sami |
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December 17th, 2018 09:09 am (UTC) |
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I did so.
Chas said: "HOORAY!!!"
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| From: | sqbr |
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December 17th, 2018 12:39 pm (UTC) |
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There are actual studies demonstrating that social media (where everyone else’s life seems so much better than yours because people only post carefully curated “greatest hits” content where their houses are always clean and their lives are full of good things) makes people feel more depressed and isolated. So you’re definitely not alone there.
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| From: | sami |
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December 17th, 2018 04:57 am (UTC) |
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I've seen a little of that. I suspect there's two types of effect, both of them terrible. People who totally do the same thing who think that everyone else's versions are the Authentic Real Them and they're the only ones faking it, and people who can't even fake it who feel like they're on a whole other tier of failure.
IIRC Facebook is the worst? On twitter it's more ephemeral so people seem to be more okay with acknowledging imperfections. (Also, possibly, most people's grandmas probably aren't on twitter as it is a ridiculous hellsite for the most part.)
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