| I have decided |
 I have decided
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Apr. 25th, 2013 @ 06:45 am 
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For the sake of peace of mind, I think I've decided to conclude that the anonymous comment calling me a bully was a random troll.
Because it has been rather bothering me, and I have no idea who it could possibly be otherwise. Discussing it with my housemates, the people who've shared my daily life for something like the last five years (and been my friends for far longer), we have come up with not a single plausible candidate - we had one vague idea for someone who might think I'm a bully based on an incident about six or seven years ago, but she's Australian, and the IP is American. (Also, I don't think she's likely to be obsessively still following my journal, and seriously, I haven't spoken to her since that incident.)
All pending further information, obvs, but in addition to really not liking the idea that I've hurt someone that badly at all, I find it difficult to imagine that it's possible to bully someone without even being aware of any kind of pattern of negative interaction with them.
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Yeah, I don't quite agree with "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" because occasionally you do need to say things to those you love that may be hurtful but may also need to be said. (Although the way you say them makes a HUGE difference, obviously.)
But if you can't say it to their face (or at least use your name when saying it on the internet/via email) then you kind of lose all credibility. If that person honestly thinks you are a bully or felt bullied by you in the past, then sending you an email saying "This is why I feel this way" would be much more productive than anonymous insults, and might actually have an effect.
Good on you for taking the time to self-reflect (and to ask others you trust) to help you work out if there is truth in this accusation. I think it's wise to ignore it unless the person actually contacts you again with a valid incident, and you know, a name.
My main fandom was hit by a bunch of anonymous trolling a few years ago, and anonymous accusations of bullying and -ist behavior were one of the troll's favorite tactics, precisely because, I suspect, they knew it would make most generally well-meaning people be upset and doubt themselves.
My best advice, based on what I didn't do and should have done, is to turn off all anon commenting both here and on LJ, and ignore it.
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