 ADHD and validation...
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Jun. 28th, 2010 @ 08:33 am 
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My psychiatrist notes that AD(H)D has an extremely high comorbity rate with depression.
I find myself wondering, right now, whether that could well be significantly to do with the simple fact that life with ADHD - by my experience, at least - means spending a lot of time feeling inadequate at best.
Everyone has Things To Do. And everyone, I think, is satisfied by achieving those things; you had X, Y and Z to do, you did X, Y, and Z, you're good, go on with your day.
But ADHD can mean getting those things done is really hard, possibly impossible, and yet, if you manage, well, you did basic shit, what do you want, a medal? It's demoralising.
Let's get more concrete:
I just got dressed on time. I have somewhere to be, this morning; I need to leave in a few minutes.
Getting dressed on time was challenging. First thing in the morning, my meds haven't really had time to kick in completely... You get processes like this.
I take off my pyjamas. I see the shirt I had intended to wear, but then I think of another, similar but better for the weather today, shirt that I should wear instead. I go to get that shirt. I see my glove, I remember that I can't find my other glove for some reason, I try to find that other glove, because where is that glove? They were together! Oh, hey, look, there's that Norwegian dictionary I got last year. Why am I cold? Damn, I'm not wearing a shirt. Okay. Shirt. Hey, there's my shirt. Put on the shirt. I have one of those little cuticle skin-things on my finger, there, I felt it catch on the fabric... I should fix that. I don't have the right implements, they're in the bathroom, but I can't leave my bedroom like this, I'm not wearing trousers. I'll do it with what's in my bedroom.
Dean knocks at the door, because she's leaving for work. Oh snap! Put jeans on in tearing hurry, say goodbye to Dean. Dean leaves.
Hey, now Dean and Dave are gone, the bathroom's free! I can do all the morning-bathroom-things I'd been delaying.
So, I get onto that, and, as mentioned, I did in fact get dressed on time (though this post now has to finish or I won't be leaving on time). But there's this thing, where getting dressed on time actually requires massive amounts of effort and/or preparation on my part.
When I manage, I secretly want to be proud of this.
But if anyone finds out I'm proud of myself for getting dressed - especially given I technically had help from Dean in the "on time" department, because there were also stages when I was still in my pyjamas when she helped me overcome distractions - then I would be humiliated, in many circumstances, because getting dressed is something people are supposed to be able to do by the time they're, I don't know, five...
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| From: | ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png) rainbow |
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June 28th, 2010 04:12 am (UTC) |
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I find myself wondering, right now, whether that could well be significantly to do with the simple fact that life with ADHD - by my experience, at least - means spending a lot of time feeling inadequate at best.
From what I've read there can certainly be situation depression with ADHD, but it can also be unrelated, a side effect of treatment meds, or an exacerbation of underlying depression caused by the meds.
I have cfids, and there have been many severe spells where gettng dressed was my major accomplishment of the day and something I coudn't do for days at a time. And other days, like today, I was well enough to wash *and* hang out TWO LOADS OF LAUNDRY *and* plant 2 cucumbers. That's kind of red letter day right there. Plus I made more water kefir and listened to one of my healing cds. (I did not, sadly, wash any of the dishes. They are looking a bit overwelming for tomorrow morning. But it will be COOLER then; so much easier for me to stand up for a while.)
It took me a very long time to learn that I need to measure what I do against what I can do, and not base my self-image and worth on what healthy people can do.
*vibes and hugs offered*
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| From: | quiara |
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June 28th, 2010 05:11 am (UTC) |
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Why *not* be proud?
There are times when getting dressed and remembering to brush my teeth were huge for me. There are times when they still are. Be proud. And being proud of your accomplishments is good for you, mentally and otherwise. Don't worry whether anyone else would be proud -- though the people who love you and strive to understand will be -- just be proud.
<3
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| From: | willow |
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June 28th, 2010 05:13 am (UTC) |
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Some days I feel proud to have showered, or cleaned the kitty litter or put dishes in the dishwasher. And it takes me a whole morning to get ready for a 2pm appointment. I won't deny aggravation that my perspective has had to shift and continues to.
But the moments I do feel so much joy and pride at accomplishing something without or despite the panic attacks, sudden debilitating exhaustion or pain - are pretty damn pure. Some part of me knows I've done something amazing and it's the society cultured part that starts to turn up the nose.
I don't have the last word on how to handle that but if you feel proud, enjoy it. That's what I do. Of course it helps to have a therapist talk to me later in the week and point out how many distractions I was forging through.
I'd say getting done before your brain has the right chemicals to make it focus is pretty damn huge; as huge as getting done despite depression or illness.
watching my own kids, and talking with other people, being able to focus on getting dressed and doing it as a single sequence without distractions is not something a five year old can do. It is also not a common skill for 12 year olds. And I certainly can't claim to any great skill - I'm proud of myself if I can get out of the bedroom in under half an hour in the mornings.
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