Moments of Permanence - In which I may offend some people

From: sami Date: September 4th, 2009 05:47 am (UTC) (Link)

There really should be a smoking etiquette class out there for smokers to take. Even if they don't quit, if they at least changed a few of their habits, then maybe a compromise could be reached for everyone.

SO VERY MUCH SIGNED.

Because, yeah, some smokers are completely and utterly fine. Your husband is the kind of smoker where his habit is no worse than any other well-it's-bad-for-you thing someone might do, and is in the realm of personal choice, completely.

It's not smoking that's the problem, which some people I know have missed about my aggravation - it's inflicting smoke on others.

I imagine your husband would also avoid the social awkwardness phase of some people's approach to the "mind if I smoke" thing - if he asked me, he'd probably pick up the answer from the pained face I can't seem to stop myself making while I try to compose a polite answer that's stronger than "I'd really rather you didn't," since some people have taken that to mean "but if you really want to it's fine" where it actually means "if you light up in such a way that I will be breathing the smoke, I'm leaving, and we can never be friends".

Nice smokers see that expression, say, "Okay, never mind," and either move downwind or outside, etc. And don't get all judgey about it! (My aggravation at people who are hostile to the abstinent is a whoooole other rant.)

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From: piscinarii Date: September 4th, 2009 06:07 am (UTC) (Link)

Pause in response or "that look" (as he calls it) always equals no, no matter what the following words are. Some people are just so polite they won't flat out say "no".

Once at a get together for my husband's work the wife of one of his coworkers walked up to me and asked me if I'd like a drink, and by that she meant an alcoholic drink. I told her no, that I do not drink much and didn't plan to drink that night, and she said okay. She walked away and came back with a drink that just reeked of alcohol, saying "You won't even be able to taste it in it." FFS I could have been the designated driver that night, or allergic to alcohol or certain ingredients (like hops in beer, or wine, or certain liquors for all she knew). She had to have been a heavy drinker to not even be able to smell the alcohol, and she got mad at ME when, after she forced the drink in my hands, I poured it out.

I've *never* understood why some smokers get all huffy about their habit. It is a choice, meaning some people choose NOT to do it. It is even harder for me to see how people get like that because my husband tries so hard to be considerate. If he can do it, and it really doesn't inconvenience him at all, then I don't see why others have such a hard time with it.

I never agreed with "smoking" sections in family restaurants because kids are typically in the non and it's not like they have separate ventilation systems and block the areas off from each other. But the designated smoking areas, at the backs or sides of buildings where non-smokers are unlikely to hang out or walk by, works.

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