Moments of Permanence - We should be clear on certain things: Names, identity, and why certain people need to shut up hard

From: willow Date: June 15th, 2009 02:44 pm (UTC) (Link)

A very short list of people get to call me Wils. I decide who's on that list. You (general plural you) don't get to decide you want on that list and you will call me by that name. People who do that, I tell them point blank, whether or not it will embarrass them that they don't have permission to call me that, and they know it!

And only one person in the world gets to call me a derivative nickname from Willow.

I've realized some people think, since Willow is not my birthname, that it doesn't matter what form they use or how they say it, because it's not my 'real' name so why would I care how they mangled it or not.

And that always makes me want to smack people, because for me, the name a person chooses to go by - the name they self identify with is far more important than a name their parents decided on due to family tradition or just because they thought it was cool.

There's a difference to me, between a name put to you as an infant and a name you choose for yourself as a sentient, sapient being with free will and choice.

The only people who call me by my birthname are medical professionals reading off official documentation. Even my mother calls me by a nickname. One my siblings decided on, as easier to say, when they were babies.

A person's name can change during their lifetime from how they pronounce it, to what nicknames they attach to it, or tolerate etc.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From: sami Date: June 15th, 2009 03:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

I've realized some people think, since Willow is not my birthname, that it doesn't matter what form they use or how they say it, because it's not my 'real' name so why would I care how they mangled it or not.

And that always makes me want to smack people, because for me, the name a person chooses to go by - the name they self identify with is far more important than a name their parents decided on due to family tradition or just because they thought it was cool.

There's a difference to me, between a name put to you as an infant and a name you choose for yourself as a sentient, sapient being with free will and choice.

YES THIS.

Sami is not the name I was born with. The name I was born with makes me actively unhappy. I am, in fact, going to change it legally - at some point when, not least, I no longer have a pending court case, because that just seems like it could get messy.

Some people seem to dislike this, but for me, it's tied into something very important, which is: I get to decide who I am. My parents don't. And that includes changing a name I have never in my entire life actually liked. The name I was born with never felt like me. Sami does. Sami IS.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From: rainbow Date: June 15th, 2009 07:05 pm (UTC) (Link)

The name I was born with makes me actively unhappy. I am, in fact, going to change it legally

I so get this.

Chris started using "Chris" in the mid 70s because she'd always hated "Cindy" (and there were some people who had issues with it and tried to keep calling her Cindy. Mama A, otoh, was perfectly fine with it, and suggested simply ignoring them until they used the right name *g* )

Chris changed the body's name legally in the mid 80s -- and since she'd used our current surname for 10+ years by then with friends and had met our birth father recently and didn't want to use his name, she changed both first and last and just kept the middle.

I may not be that Chris (I'm Carys or Boo to the people who are closest to me, not Chris or Cats [Cats was the name that meant all of us]), but the legal name and "Cats" is still mine in a way the birth name never would be, because it's what soemone(s) in the body chose.

(Reply) (Parent)