| May 2nd, 2009 |
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I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
I'm sitting home alone, and I'm bawling. My housemates are all out looking at formalwear, and nobody I know seems to be online.
I've been hearing vague mentions of some woman named Susan Boyle - "even odder than Paul Potts", apparently. I decided to get around to finding out what people were talking about, and looked her up on YouTube.
Which turned up this.
She sang I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables, which would be pretty heartbreaking, except I'd also scanned her Wikipedia biography, which is a pretty heartbreaking story that combined with those lyrics to tear me to sobbing pieces.
She was the youngest of ten children. Born when her mother was 47, oxygen-deprived at birth, bullied at school and nicknamed 'Susie Simple'. Attended Edinburgh Acting School but left to look after her ailing mother. Did that until her mother died. Tried to become a singer before, but had given up on that after being rejected and in some cases mocked for even trying. (After all, look at her... she's so dumpy and plain, right?) On stage before she sang she looked nervous and awkward and weird.
Almost gave up on even trying Britain's Got Talent, but her mother had so wanted her to do it... so after her mother died, she decided to try, in tribute, though it still took persuasion from her voice coach because she felt too old. She's 47 now and she's been employed for six months in her life - the rest has been occasional government training courses, volunteering for her church, and looking after her mother. People still make fun of her and call her names, because she lives alone with her cat since her mother died.
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed
And she walked out on stage, and the massive crowd and judges radiated: who does this old bag think she is? A middle-aged spinster who lives with a cat named Pebbles in a tiny village in Scotland? Who has to pause in her intro to remember a word like "villages" (she's been diagnosed with learning disabilities, and we all knows that's code for stupid and subhuman, right?) and reacts weirdly to people laughing when she admits her age? How dare she?
She says she wants to be a professional singer and the audience titters.
In the teeth of that, she sings with strength and surety and what sounds like confidence. And she doesn't break as the sneers turn to a standing ovation.
I feel ashamed that I've ever thought my dreams were gone because I'm all of 28.
At the same time I think the people who still make derisive comments about how weird she is should be ashamed of themselves too, because after a life like that, to be standing there with dreams intact and the strength to get through going on stage? She's a hero.Current Music: Susan Boyle - I Dreamed A Dream Current Mood: awestruck
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So, for those of you who, like me, hate using web-based interfaces for pretty much anything? List of compatible clients for Dreamwidth. I found the instructions for setting up Semagic to post to DW and to crosspost, so I'm pretty pleased with that. (So far: editing/deleting doesn't seem to work quite so well, but whatever.)
Home alone for the evening. The boys are at a small impromptu LAN party. I was practicing guitar a bit for a while, but pain has forced me to stop after all of about ten minutes. I do, however, think I'm gradually improving a bit, in transitions and in fingering - I can now get G major and C major fairly cleanly. (D minor is still a little annoying - I think it's a bit harder because it needs the first couple of strings, which, on a steel-stringed guitar, are kind of a bitch when you're still forming your fingertip callouses.)
Still loving my sharkfin pick.
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