Moments of Permanence - Post a comment

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	May 22nd, 2009 - 09:08 am

*nods* That sense that you've already gone this far is dangerous too, yeah. If the next step isn't too far from here, and you're not thinking about the next step, taken separately... you might never quite have the point where it feels like you really should draw the line.

I've been realising, lately, just how much my fucked-up childhood has left me needing to unlearn. Because, for the same kind of self-defensive reasoning, I learned some seriously messed-up habits, that remain very, very bad for me. I'm only now starting to learn how relationships based on mutual respect and love actually work. And learning that various things don't automatically lead to punishment, that it's okay to feel certain things, okay to speak up for myself as well as for others.

In an odd way, it's made me a better person morally, too, because developing the ability to say, no, I will not, that is not something that is acceptable to me, includes the ability to say, no, I will not, because that is wrong, and I choose to try to be a better person than that.