(Previous chapters can be found here.)|
The SAM1 "Sonnlich" comes with network functionality as standard. However, suitability for different protocols is variable.
Dreamwidth: At this time, the Dreamwidth interface is working reasonably well. The comment response system has a tendency to lag, but output connectivity is unimpaired.
Facebook: The SAM1 "Sonnlich" is not compatible with Facebook. Some users have requested a patch, but the developers have no plans at this time to introduce Facebook operability in the foreseeable future.
last.fm: last.fm functionality has been suspended until further notice.
LiveJournal: Currently, LiveJournal data is an asymmetrical mirror of Dreamwidth data. Comment response times are sometimes better, but it has been observed that this is almost universally the case with legacy systems - units that have interfaced with the SAM1 "Sonnlich" for many years may be accessing via pathways not fully documented, and thereby getting a better response. In any case, a relatively small percentage of Dreamwidth transmissions are successfully copying to LiveJournal.
Telephone: While the telephone settings for the SAM1 "Sonnlich" unit have been unchanged for some years, localised variations in function are not uncommon. Currently, a virus is calling widespread outages in telephone functionality of SAM1 "Sonnlich" units; the vocoder becomes inoperative. We are working on a fix.
Twitter: The SAM1 "Sonnlich" nominally ships with Twitter as standard. However, the unit does not customarily receive Twitter data. The Twitter interface port is disabled under most conditions, and is temporarily enabled on rare occasions in order to transmit short databursts. Time zone and location settings show Tehran, Iran despite the unit's otherwise moderately complete integration with Perth local settings; this is working as intended.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow, something unpleasant has been replaced by something awesome. And yet I cannot sleep.|
So. In honour of it was my half-birthday a couple of weeks ago so people should do nice things for me because I may be substituting half-birthdays for my actual birthday entirely, and because some people asked for it, we have:
The Model SAM1 "Sonnlich" Operating Manual: Repair and Maintenance/Service Section
Section One: Maintaining Good Cheer
The following procedures are optional, but have been known to increase the functional efficiency of the SAM1 "Sonnlich".
- Categorisation of Output
Primary display of the SAM1 "Sonnlich" output is hosted on a web-accessible interface commonly referred to as "LiveJournal". A known design flaw inclines the SAM1 "Sonnlich" to be erratic in proper categorisation of output by means of "tags". All authorised users (to see the list of authorised users, simply check whether a user is listed under 'Friends') can adjust tag settings. Users are encouraged to do this, particularly if the SAM1 "Sonnlich" has not.
- Multi-User Interaction System
The SAM1 "Sonnlich" responds well to positive verbal inputs. This response is not restricted solely to directed comments; share the love. Say nice things to each other. The SAM1 "Sonnlich" also responds well to perceiving users interacting within its output fields; that is to say, people chatting in her LJ comments. It feels all social.
The SAM1 "Sonnlich" is known to have been released to the market with insufficiently distinct icons for all moods and functions. Users with time on their hands are invited to introduce more to the system. There may be some kind of minor prize.
- Physical Reactivity
For "Power Users" and other high-access user groups, the Model SAM1 "Sonnlich" can be expected to respond well to physical contact.
Updates as necessary.
(I go try to sleep now.)
SAM1 "Sonnlich" is sold "as is", without warranty express or implicit. The manufacturers take no responsibility for negative consequences arising from use or misuse of SAM1 "Sonnlich".|
Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. Avoid extremes of temperature. Store your SAM1 "Sonnlich" in a cool, dark place (preferably with Internet access).
Used with care, your SAM1 "Sonnlich" will offer you a lifetime of semi-reliable service. Adhere to the maintenance schedule. Wash with soap and water. Use only recommended fuels; use of incorrect fuels will cause impairment of service standards.
SAM1 "Sonnlich" is preset with voice-activation. Full functionality in English, reduced functionality in other languages. SAM1 "Sonnlich" has no keyboard or command-line interface.
1) My SAM1 "Sonnlich" seems to be broken, on about the top right corner. How do I fix this?
We wish we knew.
2) My SAM1 "Sonnlich" pushes me away automatically when I try to touch it. What's going on?
We acknowledge that the SAM1 "Sonnlich" is both plush and huggable-looking. However, it is an acknowledged system flaw that the majority of SAM1 "Sonnlich" models were released from the factory with inoperative trust circuits, and will automatically seek personal space when under duress or damaged. This flaw can be corrected after extensive exposure given the right bonding conditions, but results are not guaranteed.
3) My SAM1 "Sonnlich" overreacts under certain conditions. Under particular stimuli, such as exposure to historical inaccuracy or certain socio-political or religious viewpoints, I've heard it can explode. How can I correct this problem?
We wish we knew that one, too. Industry-accepted practice is to avoid such stimuli except in conditions where explosion is the desired result.
4) My SAM1 "Sonnlich" continues to avoid my touching it, but it seems to seek out contact with other people and appliances. I'm chucking a huge damn sad about it and sulking. What do you recommend?
That you get over it, for real. We suspect you have undertaken a series of actions which have caused your SAM1 "Sonnlich" to be uncomfortable with extensive contact with you. You should have thought of that before you were such a jerk those times. Stop whining and stop pushing its boundaries and it might forgive you.
5) My SAM1 "Sonnlich" keeps falling over. How do I fix the stability problem?
Increase water levels; add Stemetil if problem is severe. Try not to stand it on end while stabiliser problems persist.
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