Moments of Permanence - still not dead

About still not dead

Previous Entry still not dead Feb. 29th, 2016 @ 12:40 pm Next Entry
... Have nonetheless been sick since, what, October? Something like that?

Currently it seems like it may be to do with a medication change, which I'm walking back, but the net result is that I'm still occasionally feverish, and now almost constantly severely afflicted with vertigo.

And my brain still isn't working very well, in general, although I'm feeling moderately less stupid than I was.

I realise that there are many people in the world less intelligent than I am and that doesn't reflect badly on their character or anything, but it's a special level of frustration and cognitive dissonance and alienation from your sense of self plus, for me, flashback to severe childhood head trauma, when you can feel your own inability to think, when you look at your own writing and can't understand it, when you look at puzzles you know you used to be able to solve and you just can't... Just this once, can I say "stupid" like it's a bad thing and not be accused of elitism? Because I don't have other words for it, when my thoughts are slow, but worse, when I feel like there should be ways to connect ideas that I just can't see, when any thought process more complex than looking at the NBA results shatters without warning and is then just gone.

My body is a wreck wright now. My mind is all I have and it's not working either and it's awful. This post would be a mess of bad spelling and typos if I didn't have the as-you-go red squiggle spell checker. I don't entirely even feel like me.
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From:[personal profile] lilysea
Date: February 29th, 2016 10:30 am (UTC)
I started writing a "I can relate" comment and then I ran out of brain. ^_^

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From:[personal profile] fred_mouse
Date: March 2nd, 2016 03:54 am (UTC)

I, too, am familiar with the level of body illness that affects the brain until one doesn't feel like 'self' any more.
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